The Lord of the Facebook: The Two Notifications
by aotearoan
Summary: LOTR's The Two Towers, told through the characters' facebook accounts. A continuation of The Fellowship of the Facebook Status Updates by sweetypie15. Same author, but posted under a different account. UPDATE: Return of the Friend Request now up!
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone,

This is a continuation of the piece "Fellowship of the Facebook Status Updates" which I wrote under the name sweetypie15. This is written by the same author, however I decided to stop using my friend's account to publish it, and now will be using my own. Thanks Julia for letting me use it! Julia, who has been my writing partner for our earlier work "You think you've got problems?" might be contributing to this fic in future too.

This was a lot of fun to write :)

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_Mister Frodo__ and__ Sam Gamgee__ are attending _LAND OF SHADOW.

**Merry Brandybuck****: this can't be good...**

**Aragorn ****is running**

**Gimli Sonogloin****: hates running**

Legolas Greenleaf: cos you have short legs lol

**Legolas Greenleaf****: Just is**

Gimli Sonofgloin: Soooo original

Legolas Greenleaf: I know, I'm a deep elf.

Gimli Sonofgloin: that was *sarcasm*

_Legolas Greenleaf__ and __Gimli Sonofgloin__ are no longer friends._

**Legolas Greenleaf:**** Gimli son of Gloin son of GROIN lol**

Aragorn: great, really mature. Why don't you act your age?

Legolas Greenleaf: I AM acting my age.

Aragorn: So, what, 3000 in elf years is like, eight human years? Go and apologise to him right now.

Aragorn: feels like a babysitter.

Legolas Greenleaf: I didn't ASK to be bossed around!

Gimli Sonofgloin: in that case can you put Legolas in the naughty corner?

Aragorn: *Sigh*

_Eomer __joined the group _RIDERS OF ROHAN

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: is surrounded by sharp and dangerous looking warriors on horses**

_Legolas Greenleaf__ and __Gimli Sonofgloin__ are now friends._

_Aragorn__ and __Eomer__ are now friends._

**Gimli Sonofgloin: could eat a horse right now. But suspects he isn't allowed...**

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: they're expecting me to get on a horse?**

Legolas Greenleaf: this should be hilarious! I'm glad I'm good with horses

Gimli Sonofgloin: Aw, does ickle Legolas have a My Little Pony? Run along and give it a pretty hairstyle!

_Gimli Sonofgloin__ and __Legolas Greenleaf__ are no longer friends._

Aragorn: oh for fuck's sake

**Pippin Took: ****is quite attached to his legs...**

Merry Brandybuck: don't worry, I'm sure they won't really eat us!

**Treebeard****: isn't hasty. **

_Pippin Took took the quiz "How Likely Are you To Survive Being Captured by Orcs?_"

Pippin Took is 34% likely to Survive. *Share this result with your friends*

_You are small and not really a warrior. You've never been captured by Orcs before, and you're not sure it's really for you. Even if you do escape, you are likely to be lost far from home and will need a friend. You will need to keep your wits about you and make use of anything you find to hand. Still, maybe you will get lucky!_

**Frodo Baggins: thinks we should give Gollum a chance**

Sam Gamgee: really not sure about that...

**Gollum****: hates stupid fat hobbitss**

_Gollum__ became a fan of FISH_

**Gollum****: Gollum**

**Gollum: ****what did you call me?**

_Gollum__ changed his name to __Smeagol_

_Smeagol__ changed his name to __Gollum_

**Smeagol ****joined facebook.**

Gollum: Curses you!


	2. Into Rohan, and stuff

Hi everyone,

I don't own facebook/Tolkien's work

thanks for the reviews/favourites! :)

Sorry I've stuffed up the chronological order below.. hopeless, useless writer that I am. I uploaded the last one before writing this one and some of this stuff should have gone first.

It's also confusing combining three major story arcs. For example, can they read each others' status updates? I assume they're all friends with a mythical reader but only with the others on the same story arc? *Suspend disbelief please*. maybe i'm taking this too seriously

Please RnR!

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_Sam Gamgee__ took the "Which Lord of the Rings Character are you?" quiz on facebook. _

Result: you are SAM._ You are very loyal, almost too loyal some people might say! _

_All that forelock-tugging gets on people's nerves. For Eru's sake stop stalking Mr_

_Frodo and tell him to carry his own bloody bags! You are used by those you look up to and need to put your own interests first occasionally. _

Sam Gamgee: I really don't get this...

**Pippin Took: ****Yuss, stage one in escape plan successful!**

Merry Brandybuck: Is there a stage two?

Pippin Took: Not yet. But I'm working on it.

**Aragorn:**** Not lightly do the leaves of Lorien fall... **

Legolas Greenleaf: Aragorn, give up on them. Those horsey guys said they must be dead. I, too, sense that they are no more.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Maybe we should check to see if they're updating their facebook accounts? No... no... we must be serious about this.

_Riders of Rohan invited Orcs and Uruk-Hai to the event ATTACK_

**Pippin Took:**is escaping in the general confusion!

Grishnakh: not if I have anything to say about it, you dirty little maggot...

**Merry Brandybuck:**** OMG, cool! Just met an Ent!**

**Treebeard****: Little orcs.....**

**Merry Brandybuck:**** ... and now having flashbacks to the Old Forest..**.

Pippin Took: It's Ok, Merry, Nobody else knows you still have Old Man Willow nightmares...

**Eomer****: feels really angsty**

**Merry Brandybuck****: Unexpected Near Death Experience, number 186: Being squeezed to death by giant, sentient tree. Again. Damn this stupid Quest.**

**Pippin Took****: this forest must be where sentient pearwood comes from!**

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** :( poor little Hobbits...**

_Aragorn __scored a new high score in the game "Tracking Blitz"! _

**Aragorn:**** They're alive!**

Legolas Greenleaf: See, I told you they were alive! I could _sense it. _

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** beware of the trees.... that forest is full of them**

**Mister Frodo****: Is pretty sure he's lost... **

**Gollum;**** Don't follow the lights!**

**Mister Frodo: SPLASH**

Gollum: STUPID HOBBITSS!

**Pippin Took****: is hungry**

Merry Brandybuck: we're surrounded by talking trees and all you can think about is your stomach?

Pippin Took: but I want something to eat...

Merry Brandybuck: Dammit, now I'M hungry.

**Merry Brandybuck****: HELLOOO? People are dying out there! Be useful, trees! **

Gandalf is now online.

_Gandalf __changed his name to __The White Wizard_

**Aragorn:**** Who is this white wizard?**

Gimli Sonofgloin: Saruman?

**Sam Gamgee****: Is worried about Mr Frodo. He's too skinny.**

**Gollum****: thinks that fat hobbit looks juicy**

Smeagol: NO! BAD Gollum. Fat Hobbit is friend of the Master.

**Mister Frodo:**** grateful for these cloaks... damn useful in my opinion.**

**JRR Tolkien****: is spinning in his grave...**


	3. Fangorn and Following Feet

Faerthurin- Thanks for your comment. I entirely agree about Boromir, who is one of my favourite characters and is pretty damn awesome. I'm sorry my fanfic didn't give him the credit he deserved. I was just using a line from the book/movie

Son'Amy-24- yes I switched accounts because I was just using my friend's account before! Sorry it's confusing

Virtuella- you're right! Sapient pearwood. I am so ashamed of myself. I think I'm going to blame it on Pippin. Thanks for luggage idea!

lolly pop3- thank you for stil reviewing! You're so loyal :)

Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed since the beginning... Araloth the Random, Balasel Menelien, LadyConfidential, Virtuella, Nieriel Raina, Crazy,person 456 and all of the rest of you who keep reviewing :) (sorry to everyone i missed!) and hello to new readers!

It's getting v. confusing to keep updating for three different story arcs, let me know if you think I should concentrate on one story arc for each chapter!

I don't own Tolkien, or facebook

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**Pippin Took****: just heard a strange sound**

Merry Brandybuck: I heard it too!.. like hundreds of little legs...

Pippin Took: It can't be following us? Whatever it is.. .

**Legolas Greenleaf:**** This forest is old!**

Aragorn: Really? Amazing! Thank you for the insight!

Gimli Sonofgloin: That just means the trees are *experienced*. And they've got away with *it* for hundreds of years...

**Samwise Gamgee: Lembas!**

Gollum: Yuk, pffsht!

**Mister Frodo: ****Crap, we're never going to get through that gate. **

Sam Gamgee: Don't worry, Mr Frodo! We'll find a way!

Mister Frodo: We're going to HAVE to.

Smeagol: we knowss another way... preciousss

**Smeagol:**** Good Smeagol, being ussseful. **

Gollum: Sstupid Smeagol, they're using you.

**Merry Brandybuck:**** Ent Draught WIN**

Pippin Took: I swear I'm taller!

**Legolas Greenleaf****: Mithrandir!**

Gimli Sonofgloin: Who?

_The White Wizard__ changed his name to __Gandalf_

**Gimli Sonofgloin: ****Yay, Gandalf's back!**

Aragorn: That's good, he owes me money.

**Aragorn:**** Anyone else hear that noise? ....like hundreds of little legs...**

**Pippin Took:**** but hasty is more interesting!**

**Gandalf: ****To Edoras!**

Aragorn: Yeah, fine, whatever. Just waltz back and take over, without a nod of gratitude...just assume you're still the leader!

**Gimli Sonofgloin:** **not horses again!**

_Sam Gamgee w__rote on__ Mister Frodo's__ wall: _

Frodo, I really don't trust Gollum. And I'm worried about you. You haven't updated your status for ages.

_Mister Frodo__ wrote on __Sam Gamgee's __wall: _

I know you don't, Sam, but it'll be fine. Don't worry. He brought us safely through the marshes, didn't he? And what is there to update my status about? "Still tempted, still bearing heavy burden, fate of world still on my shoulders?"

**Merry Brandybuck**:** What was that, by Eru? **

Pippin Took: What was what?

Merry Brandybuck:Sort of like a suitcase with hundreds of little legs...

_Legolas Greenleaf t__ook the "Which Lord of the Rings character are you?" test. _

Congratulations! You are MERRY. It's true that you are the most overlooked Hobbit, but you have many qualities and you will show everyone your worth soon! You are the most observant Hobbit, you are brave, and you are very fond of mushrooms. You are perceptive and caring and the other Hobbits look to you for advice. You are still young though, and fun and friendship, as well as ale, remain very important to you.

Legolas Greenleaf:Hobbits? Mushrooms? _Young_? I don't really know how I should feel about this...

_Four of your friends are attending _EDORAS.

Aragorn:_ opened a daily horoscope for _PISCES.

You are motivated by a strong sense of destiny. Much danger lies in your near future. Avoid high places. Lucky number: three. Lucky colour: mauve. Love: Your special person may be far away, but you are always in their thoughts. Try shaving, and shampoo. Deodorant, too, wouldn't hurt. Career prospects: Keep on moving up for that top position. Financial advice: The money's gone, dude. Thought for the day: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, because they are never going to give you a straight answer.

Gimli Sonofgloin: those things are so inaccurate.

**Mister Frodo**_**: **_**It's getting heavier**

Mister Frodo: And it's Hell on my complexion

**Boromir Ofgondor**: **Being dead is peaceful... nice change actually**

Aragorn: I miss you, dude! Sucks being the only Man around. Nobody to hack with. :(

**Hámas: well, it looks like today's going to be a bit more interesting than guard duty normally is...**

**King Theoden: dribble... **

Gríma Wormtongue: Very good, my lord.


	4. Kings and things

**Aragorn****: is sulking**

Legolas Greenleaf: oh ffs, I'm sure there's something freudian about the way you throw a tantrum everytime someone wants to take away your weapon

Gimli Sonofgloin: Lol, you mean like castration? Yay for amateur psychology!

Aragorn: i think I prefer it when you hate each other. Anyway, what about Gandalf's *staff*?

Gandalf: you wouldn't deprive an old man of his walking stick, would you?

**Háma: ****that's funny, first the mysterious strangers, now there's a wooden box galloping across the plains of Rohan... on hundreds of little legs... **

**Sam Gamgee****: thank Eru for Lembas!**

**Háma**** is overcome with a sudden sense of dread....**

**Merry Brandybuck****: is sick of trees...**

Pippin: Merry! Don't say that!

Treebeard:  don't be hasty, Master Meriadoc...

**King Théoden****: Saruman... is our friend... and ally... **

Gríma Wormtongue: excellent, my Lord.

**Éowyn:**** my life sucks!**

**Mister Frodo****: thinks it's getting heavier**

_Gandalf __gave __Theoden__**His Youth Back**__ using Wizard Gifts_

_*Give your friend a gift!*_

_Gandalf __gave __Gríma Wormtongue__**A Threatening Look **__using Wizard Gifts_

_*give your friend a gift!*_

_Aragorn __changed his name to __Aragorn!_

**Háma:**** funny how that weird wooden chest thing seems to give the impression of waiting... **

**Gandalf****: has bitchin' magic powers now! **

**Aragorn! ****is way more kingly than this loser**

**Gríma Wormtongue:**** rumbled**

**Háma****: now it's waiting at the bottom of the steps, with its lid open... **

**KIng Théoden k****icked ****Gríma Wormtongue ****down the steps using Superpoke.**

Éowyn: damn it, I wanted to be the one to do that!

**Háma:**** Holy shit, did anyone else see that? **

Éomer: no, I missed it, being exiled and all. What happened?

Hámas: The king just kicked Gríma down the steps and he landed in the open jaws of this wooden box thing! It ate him! It spat out a shoe and a lock of greasy hair, and that was all...

Éomer: creepy...

**King Théoden****: to war!**

**Aragorn! ****: to War! **

_Many of your friends are attending BATTLE AT HELM'S DEEP. _

_Many more of your friends are attending ATTACK ON HELM'S DEEP._

**Merry Brandybuck**: **our friends are out there!**

Pippin Took: dw Merry, everything'll be OK


	5. on the way to Helms Deep

**The Author**:** is hugely grateful for the reviews!**

PS the Luggage had one purpose- to eat Gríma. It might make a return, not sure.

(*shameless self promotion* I did more Lotr/discworld in 'to represent the wizzards' if anyone's interested - shameless self promotion ends)

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**Gimli Sonofgloin: ****thinks this is a stupid idea... **

Legolas Greenleaf: yeah, why are we bringing the old humans with us? I mean, what's the point of old people?

Aragorn! I think you have a lot to learn about humanity, Legolas.

**Merry Brandybuck: ****is sick of being called Meriadoc **

Pippin Took: Meriadoc, I have an idea.

Merry Brandybuck: that is possibly even more worrying

**Aragorn! ****is leading the way!**

King Theoden: sort of....

**Legolas Greenleaf**:** senses wargs!**

_Sam Gamgee __hacked__ Gollum's __account and changed his name t__o 'Stinker"_

Stinker: nassssty Hobbit! What has it done to our precious facebook?

_Sam Gamgee hacked Smeagol's account and changed his name to "Slinker". _

Mister Frodo: Samwise, I am very ashamed of you, that is unkind.

Slinker: *wimpers*

Sam Gamgee: oh, grow a sense of humour, Mr Frodo

**Stinker****: how do we change it back??? Nasssty hobbitss pay for that, yess, yes. **

_Stinker __changed his name to __Gollum_

Slinker: how does we do it, preciousss?

Gollum: not telling. We hates you!

_Gollum hacked __Sam Gamgee'__s account and changed his name to __Fatty Fat Stupid__. _

**Gimli Sonofgloin**: **these wargs are really hacking me off!**

Aragorn! Ha ha!

Gimli Sonofgloin: what's so funny?

Aragorn! oh sorry, thought it was a pun...

Legolas Greenleaf: what is this pun of which you speak?

Gimli Sonofgloin: Humans. It's best not to ask.

**Fatty Fat Stupid****: is angry!**

Mister Frodo: now, come on Sam, where's your sense of humour?

**Mister Frodo: ****Is feeling all pathetic and thirsty and hungry**

Fatty Fat Stupid: Don't worry, Mr Frodo, Have my share.

Mister Frodo: I'm sorry Sam, I can't take you seriously til you change your name back.

**Mister Frodo: ****just fell over dramatically, and for no reason! **

**Aragorn! just fell over a cliff dramatically.**

King Theoden: quick, we must leave for Helm's Deep, before he climbs ba - before the orcs come back!

**Legolas Greenleaf**;** is staring sadly at pretty jewellery...**

**Pippin Took****: I hope my idea works!**

Merry Brandybuck**: **me too, cos at the moment I can't see the wood for trees...

**King Theoden****: Helm's Deep!**


	6. Epic events and excellent ideas

Thank you all, lovely reviewers, for your lovely reviews!

I don't own Tolkien. I don't even pwn Tolkien.

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**Aragorn! :**** nooo! wait for me!**

_Éowyn __changed her relationship status to "it's complicated"._

**Pippin Took:** **the closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm. **

Treebeard: that doesn't make sense to me, but then... you are very small.

Pippin Took: I'm not THAT small

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** rocks, yay!**

**Legolas Greenleaf****: they've all seen too many winters, or too few. These children... they're practically children!**

Gimli Sonofgloin: yeah... I doubt they've even seen an orc before

**Sam Gamgee:**** craving mushrooms so bad right now. **

Gollum: We is craving too preciousss... craving.... alwayss craving...

_Gollum_ _wrote on __Smeagol__'s wall:_ ha ha, master hates you, lol. Is wicked and tricksy, *insane lol*.

_Smeagol__ wrote on __Gollum's__ wall:_ Go away! We hates you. Hates you!

**Aragorn!: ****ew, horse breath**

**Frodo Baggins:**** wishes that Sam and Smeagol would grow up and stop fighting**

Gollum: well we wishes Sam and Frodo would get a room!

**Smeagol: **** we don't NEED HIM!!**

Gollum; What are you saying? who are you referring to?

Smeagol: we don't need YOU! We don't need you anymore!

Gollum: where would we be without me? we survived because of me!

_Sméagol__ is no longer friends with __Gollum_

_Gollum __left Facebook_

_Smeagol __likes this_

Sam Gamgee: I'm not sure I believe that...

**Aragorn!****: man, I've had such an epic few hours. Wargs! Cliff! Visions! Canon violations! Horses! Sweat! Manly grime! 10,000 ORCS!**

**Legolas Greenleaf: he's going to be late! typical bloody mortal.**

Gimli Sonofgloin: Hey, I don't know how to break this to you, but there's no way he could have survived that fall over the cliff, not with a warg eating his face.

Legolas Greenleaf: :(

**Aragorn! is back!**

**Aragorn!**** is opening doors! In a kingly manner!**

Theoden: I guess that makes you a royal pain

_Legolas Greenleaf __wrote on __Aragorn!__'s wall:_ You're late.

**Eowyn: ****cannot wait for feminism to hit Middle Earth! Eru knows this place is in need of it**

Legolas Greenleaf: I think having to miss the battle is one bit of sexism I'd be grateful for...

Éowyn: We could swap?? You're almost as pretty as me...

Théoden: No. You're to rule Edoras til we come back. Think of it as an honour, not a chore.

**Eowyn: is sulking**

**Theoden: ****oh man, this does not look good. Why did I choose NOW to come to my senses and lead my people?**

Gimli Sonofgloin: Sometimes, shit happens

Legolas Greenleaf: and who you gonna call?

Aragorn! : Gondor! Gondor will answer!

**King Theoden:**** Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell? Where was Gondor when our enemies closed in around us?**

Aragorn!  They were in Gondor!

King Theoden: um... exactly?

**Treebeard: is sad. These trees were my friends!**

Merry Brandybuck: well, what about OUR friends?

**Treebeard: it's time to get HASTY**

Merry Brandybuck: good plan, Pip.

_Pippin Took__ changed his name to __ Pippin Genius Took._

**Pippin Genius Took:****I wouldn't like to be in Saruman's shoes right now... **


	7. The Battle Begins

Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter! I got loads of really nice reviews for chapter 6, and it made me very happy. Early(ish) update!

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**Merry:**** poor Treebeard...**

_Merry Brandybuck __commented on __Pippin Genius Took__'s name change:_ "Nobody's fooled, Pip".

King Théoden _changed his name to_ Théoden King

**Aragorn! ****It's lucky I'm here! I can kill at least 10, 000 orcs!**

Gimli Sonofgloin: and you're the most modest, and you can count the best.

Legolas Greenleaf: You're both jealous. You know who will kill the most orcs... and it isn't you.

Gimli Sonofgloin has started playing OrcSplat!tm See who can splat the most orcs!

Gimli Sonofgloin has invited Legolas Greenleaf to play OrcSplat!tm

**Mister Frodo:**** why do I feel like everyone else is getting an easier time than us?**

Sam Gamgee: It would help if you stopped being CRAZY

Slinker: oh dear me, what a naughty Hobbit! I wouldn't say such things about you, Nice master!

Legolas Greenleaf has challenged Gimli SonofGloin at OrcSplat!tm

**Théoden King****: at least it can't get any worse...**

Aragorn!: Théoden! You made it rain! You _bastard. _ Don't you know anything about the laws of dramatic irony?

Théoden King: Of course I do! We _kings_ know such things.

_Théoden King__ changed his name to __King Théoden King._

_An Army of Orcs __has joined Facebook. _

_An Army of Orcs __has sent __your friends __An Attack! via Superpoke. *do something back!*_

**Aragorn!: ****Elendil!**

_Legolas Greenleaf__ sent __An Army of Orcs __an Arrow via Superpoke._

**Legolas Greenleaf: ****wait a minute, aren't the elves supposed to show up at the last minute, rendering your petty argument about whether or not Gondor will show up even pettier, and making us elves look incredibly noble?**

King Théoden King: Curses! What a great time to revert to canon!

Haldir: speak for yourself, I for one think we should respect the original plotline.

Aragorn! That is so unfair. Why this selective canon loyalty shit? I still had to fall over the bloody cliff.

Gimli Sonofgloin: shut up and fight.

_Gimli Sonofgloin __set a new high score on __OrcSplat!__ of 2 Orcs splatted._

Legolas Greenleaf _set a new high score on OrcsSplat! of 20 Orcs splatted._

**Pippin Genius Took: ****is sick of sitting on a tree.**

Merry Brandybuck: and we're too high up!

Pippin Genius Took: and I have splinters in unmentionable places...

Merry Brandybuck: as do I, Pip, but I won't mention it.

**Samwise Gamgee: ****is making a lovely rabbit stew!**

Slinker: I doesn't appreciate it, ruining nice flesh I brings you!

**Mister Frodo****: by Eru, is that a Mûmak?**

Sam Gamgee: an Oliphaunt! if only my old Gaffer could see this...


	8. Helm's Deep!

Wow! I can't believe I have so many reviews- thank you all!

Also, i'm very sorry for the glaring inconsistencies and mistakes I have made...

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**Legolas Greenleaf:**** No Haldir? I guess that means I'm the *token* elf**

Gimli Sonofgloin: I've been the token dwarf for ages

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** Hack, whack! Axe attack!**

**Fangorn: ****this is behaviour most unbefitting of a wizard! To Isengard!**

Merry Brandybuck: yusss

**Aragorn! :**** I just can't wait to be king! **

King Théoden King:  what, you think you could do a better job?

Aragorn! : what are you talking about? I just have that Disney song stuck in my head...

Gimli Sonofgloin: Is that the Lion King? Awww.... it always makes me cry!

Legolas Greenleaf:  a pathet- aaargh!

Aragorn!: what happened?

Legolas Greenleaf: an orc tried to get me while I was distracted by Facebook, but on the plus side, my score is now 34.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Facebook: Fatally addictive.

**King Théoden King:**** How did it come to this?**

Aragorn!  because you weren't a very good king?

_Kng Théoden King is no longer friends with Aragorn!_

**Mister Frodo:**** uh oh...**

**Faramir: **** small men! what are they doing here?**

**Sam Gamgee****: typical! Just when I had the rabbit stew all nice and hot!**

Sméagol: Fat Hobbit means, just when he had the rabbit all nice and RUINED!!!

**Aragorn!:****no, no, shoot the one with the explosives! **

**Aragorn!:*****facepalms***

**Mister Frodo: that man is... strangely familiar**

**Sam Gamgee: he reminds me of Boromir, Mr Frodo**

_Sméagol__ became a fan of POOLS_

Sméagol: they is nice and cool!

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: great time to miss a shot, Legolas. **

Legolas Greenleaf: I- I didn't _miss!_

Gimli Sonofgloin: and yet everyone is going to blame you. What a shame.

Aragorn!: next you'll be falling out of trees.

**Merry Brandybuck:**** the Ents are on the march... impressive**

Pippin Genius Took: _we _did this, Merry!

Merry Brandybuck. I suppose we are as awesome as we've always thought.

_Merry Brandybuck changed his name to Awesome Merry._

**King Théoden King: ****feels good to be in battle again! I am not afraid of death, now I have recovered my strength and courage!**

Boromir: death is pretty boring. Take it from someone who knows. On the plus side, I don't have to pay Aragorn back.

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: ****was not just tossed. Ha ha ha. No. Never. **

Aragorn!: and I did not just toss him. Not even a little bit.

Gimli Sonofgloin: try to be a bit more subtle...

**Gimli Sonofgloin: is as tossed as a salad**

Gimli Sonofgloin: Legolas! Get the hell out of my Facebook account!

**Saruman: ****is starting to think messing with the trees wasn't such an awesome idea. **

Awesome Merry: nor was messing with a couple of awesome hobbit geniuses!

_Gandalf__ joined the group people who randomly disappear when the going gets tough, only to reappear suspiciously at exactly the right moment_

**Legolas Greenleaf: ****yes! forty!**

Gimli Sonofgloin: ha, "greenleaf" is an anagram of "green flea"

Legolas Greenleaf:, Ha, Gimli is an anagram of fail.

Gimli Sonofgloin: *sigh* do you even speak English?

Legolas Greenleaf:  at least I don't speak a language that sounds like a nutcracker mating with gravel.

Gimli Sonofgloin: it is the best language to swear in, ever.

Aragorn!:  For example: get off your khazkazukuling facebook right now, we're in the middle of a grazukül battle!!!

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: pretty caves!**


	9. self congratulations, generalised angst

**The author:**** is extremely grateful to all the lovely, lovely reviewers!**

**Teh author not haz a copyright.**

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**Fangorn: ****smash the puny little wizard tower! Make clean the earth!**

**Awesome Merry:** **has an equally awesome view of things.**

Pippin Genius Took: That is because you are a genius.

Awesome Merry: thank you. And you, Pip, are awesome.

**Aragorn!: ****gosh, now would be just the minute for Gandalf to show up, don't you think?**

**Faramir: **** *Generalised familial angst!* what can I do to make daddy love me? **

Boromir: be less whiney. Just sayin'.

Faramir: Boromir! Why do the little men say you're dead?

Boromir: it's true, sorry kid. You can have my stuff if you want but don't you dare muck up my comics. They are collectors' editions.

Faramir: aww man. You know what dad's going to say about this..

Boromir: that he is sad but grateful he's got one son left, a son who he also loves and values?

Faramir: Really? You think so?

Boromir: BWAHAHA LOL NO. I crack myself up. He'll say he hates you.

**Gandalf****: will return! At dawn! On a white horse!**

**Eomer:**** if this could be any more epic they'd make some kind of story out of it… **

Eomer: wait, what's that sound, like bricks crumbling? Do you think it comes from the battle?  
Gandalf: I think it's the fourth wall breaking.

Eomer: then we must ride fast, to Helm's Deep, before all the walls are broken and the orcs take over the stronghold of my people!

Gandalf: errr…. Yes.

_Gandalf__ and__ Eomer__ joined the __Battle at Helm's Deep_

_Legolas Greenleaf__ wrote on __Gimli Sonoflgoin__'s wall:_ ha, it's nearly over! Can't wait to see how many orcs you managed! One orc for each foot of your height? I notice you've not been sharing your results – you must be too embarrassed.

**Legolas Greenleaf: **** is going to win XD**

_Legolas Greenleaf__ has a new high score in OrcSplat!tm. Legolas splatted forty-one orcs. _

Gimli Sonofgloin:  is that your final score?

_Gimli Sonofgloin__ has a new high score in OrcSplat!tm. Gimli splatted forty-two orcs. Gimli is now ranked number one amongst his friends at OrcSplat!tm. _

Legolas Greenleaf: ....

**Legolas Greenleaf: ****dwarves are so competitive. Not cool.**

**Pippin Genius Took****: wow...**

**Faramir: ****is feeling conflicted...****should I take the pretty sparkly jewellery from the small men and give it to Dad? He's kind of girly in some respects.**

**Aragorn! ****We won!**

**King Theoden King: ****under my leadership, we won!**

Eomer: while this would be an awesome time for an "I told you so", I think I'll save it.

Eowyn: I hate you all.

**Mister Frodo:** **the ring must be destroyed!**

Sam Gamgee: yes, and all the bloody overgrown men that keep picking on poor little Frodo should back off.

Faramir: oh. Ok. Well good luck with that then, it was nice to meet you.

_Boromir __wrote on__ Faramir__'s wall:_ good for you, Farry. It's almost like someone out there's giving you the chance to show that in some respects, you can succeed where your overshadowing brother has failed. Although only in some respects, like being noble and true and all that. Not in like, getting a girlfriend.

_Faramir __is now friends with__ Mister Frodo __and __Sam Gamgee._

_Faramir __sent __Mister Frodo__ and __Sam Gamgee__ provisions for the journey using _Gifts for Quests.

**Smeagol****: dessstroy it? :0**

_Gollum__ joined Facebook_

_Gollum__ and __Smeagol__ are now friends._

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_For some reason, I imagine this little *pop* whenever Gollum rejoins facebook_


	10. Getting drunk, getting even

Hey everyone,

Sorry for the late update. It was my 21st and I have exams approaching… aargh... so I was a bit busy. But I did spend a whole law lecture at university today writing this update, just for you!

________________________________________________________________

**Mister Frodo:**** gosh, isn't it nice how trustworthy and good people really are, deep down?**

**Awesome Merry****: spoils of war! Awesome.**

_Sam Gamgee__ wrote on __Mister Frodo's__ wall:_ *sigh* Mister Frodo, it's not that you're naïve exactly, but you are rather… _ arbitrary_ about who you trust…

**Pippin Genius Took: **** is living up to his name. :D**

Awesome Merry: you found some cheese?

Pippin Genius Took" : Better.

Awesome Merry: give me a clue!

Pippin Genius Took: You can smoke it

Awesome Merry: wait… Muesli!

Pippin Took: Did you know, most people don't smoke muesli very often? Gandalf told me.

Awesome Merry:  really? What do they smoke? Not… pipeweed? All the way out here?

Pippin Genius Took: The best! It's Longbottom Leaf.

Merry Brandybuck: Longbottom Leaf? Hot damn! But... that's a bit worrying. What was Saruman doing with Longbottom Leaf?

Gandalf: *portentously* Hmmm…

**Awesome Merry:** **foreshadowing. **

**Legolas Greenleaf: ****doesn't want to talk to anyone at the moment… his pride is wounded and needs careful medication**

Aragorn!:  and Rohan's finest Very Jolly Rohirrim Rum is 'careful medication', is it?

Legolas Greenleaf: why, yes. If it's administered carefully.

Gimli Sonofgloin: *idea!* Hey, if your pride hasn't had enough of a bashing yet, why don't we have a drinking competition? I'm sure I could take on that skinny tree-hugger any day.

Aragorn!: I really don't think that's a good idea because-

Legolas Greenleaf: Shut your mortal mouth, human. You're on!

**Gollum:**** let'ss make him hate the fat hobbit, yess, yess… **

Sam Gamgee: You see, Mr Frodo? I think he's out to get me!

Mister Frodo: Oh Sam, you're so touchingly paranoid. It's so rustic and quaint.

**Gollum: ****she could do it!**

Smeagol: yess, preciousss! we could get her to do it so I doesn't have to!

Gollum: yes, preciousss. She could… she could eat nasssty hobbitsss so I can takesss it!!!We means I. I mean, I mean we. Our head hurts!

_Sam Gamgee__ wrote on __Mister Frodo's__ wall._ Mr Frodo, I'm pretty sure that Gollum's planning something. "she could eat nasty hobbits so I can take it". Come on! He's untrustworthy! Isn't it obvious?

**Awesome Merry:**** I'm suddenly so hungry. **

_Mister Frodo__ deleted __Sam Gamgee__'s wall post.__ Gollum__ and __Smeagol __like this._

**Smeagol**: **Fat hobbit should take nassssty chips, and stuff them up his hobbit hole! we will keep the fish. **

**Aragorn!: yay! we won!**

**King Theoden King: Hail to the …something… dead! (Glorious? Nauseous? Valorous?)**

**Gimli Sonofgloin: Loser has to update his facebook while drunk!**

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: ha, weak human beer. Nothing on dwarf beer.**

**Gimli Sonofgloin****: Les' drink a drunking comptetition!**

Gimli Sonofgloin: ha har. Drefl. Drelf . I mean. Drunk elfv.

**Gimli Sonofgloin: ****gold gold gold gold gold! **

Aragorn: By the Valar, he's singing the Gold song. Cover your kneecaps!

Gimli Sonofgloin: it's ethinic!

Legolas Greenleaf: That song, or that attempt to chop off that poor man's knees?

**Gimli Sonofgloin: ****with our powers combined … we are … DWARF VADER!!**

Gimli Sonofgloin: It would be betterer if ddwarfwas spelt with a t

Legolas Greenleaf: you're so drunk.

Gimli Sonofgloin: YOU'RE so drink. 

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** I loveS you is my besstess freid. My beard! I can't feel my beard!**

Aragorn!: so who won?|

Legolas Greenleaf: isn't it evident?

Aragorn!: well, since updating, Gimli _has_ passed out under the table. But you've sat there laughing at him for _twenty minutes_, and you usually don't even smile.

Legolas Greenleaf: Ah, the sweet taste of revenge.

**Legolas Greenleaf:**** has a mild headache**

Legolas Greenleaf: my first, in about a century.

**Pippin Genius Took:** **food food food!**

Awesome Merry: YES

**Gimli Sonofgloin:** **Hates Aragorn. Why didn't you stop/warn me?**

Aragorn!:I tried, but not very hard cos I felt like I could do with a laugh. If it makes you feel better, he's drunk me under the table before many times as well. But then, so has Arwen.

**Awesome Merry****: I wonder what the others are doing?  
**

**Aragorn!: ****is wondering what the others are doing**

**Mister Frodo****: I wonder what the others are doing….**

Sam Gamgee: don't worry, Mr Frodo!

Mister Frodo: I can't help it, Sam. I sense in my heart that they are in grave peril.

Sam Gamgee:  Ha, they're probably blind drunk or enjoying a good meal…

Mister Frodo: LOL. That would make a good Tui ad.*

Tui ad: Tui beer adverts have a statement on one side, followed by an ironic 'yeah right' on the other side. e.g. "We love doing the cleaning...yeah right". Iconic in NZ. "Frodo doesn't wear tinted contacts... yeah right."


	11. Smoke and shiny things

Hello,

Very many apologies for the delay. I just had uni exams and they were intense. Thank you so much for the lovely reviews and awesome suggestions (thank you Samara Raine for your idea re Arwen! I hope you don't mind that I used it)

I don't own Tolkien's work, I don't own Jackson's work, and I don't own anything from Pratchett either (I borrowed the gold song in the last chapter from him, but I promise I put it back) – but I do very much admire it.

The story is now moving onto the Return of the King, quite close to the start of the book version. The different narrative arcs are still confusing, but the webcomic XKCD recently had a movie narrative arc cartoon, and it has the LOTR characters' interactions and is helpful.

Thank you so much to new readers and old.

* * *

**Arwen:****my people are leaving these shores, Aragorn's away… Peace, quiet, mulled wine, and the TV remote all to myself! Perfect.**

**Aragorn! ****being the one-who-will-be-King isn't nearly as impressive when there's an actual king around.**

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** is afraid of the wood. **

Aragorn!:…

Gimli Sonofgloin: well, that was impressive.

Aragorn!: I've never seen an elf laugh so hard he fell off his horse before.

Gimli Sonofgloin: the fact he hit his head on a tree makes me feel so much better about the world.

Aragorn!: shall we wait for him to wake up, or just keep going?

Gimli Sonofgloin: better not risk it. He'll catch us up and say something very obvious.

Aragorn!: "You left me!" "I fell off a horse!" "Sauron isn't very nice!" "This forest is old!" LOL

Legolas Greenleaf: You're teasing me!

Gimli Sonofgloin: exactly.

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** the Hobbits! **

Legolas Greenleaf:They're alive!

Gimli Sonofgloin: they're _taller_.

Aragorn!: They're not half as dead as I remember someone *** **sensed * they were.

**Awesome Merry:**** knows we should get on with this cool quest thing, but you know, I kind of don't feel motivated…**

Aragorn!: right, you slack weed-smoking hippies, get your hairy feet moving or we'll leave you behind!

Gimli Sonofgloin: We didn't come all this way to rescue you to find you idling and eating… and SMOKING! Where did you get that?

Pippin Genius Took: you want some?

Aragorn!: yes.

**Legolas Greenleaf: will never understand the strange things mortals do… like breathing smoke…**

Aragorn!: I'm just glad you've stopped screaming and throwing cups of water into my face.

Legolas Greenleaf: That was _one time._ And I thought you were on fire.

Aragorn!: Maybe. But why didn't you just throw the liquid, instead of the whole cup?

Legolas Greenleaf: I had to act quickly or you would have had no face! …flammable beards… breathing smoke and flames… it's a stupid combination

Gimli Sonofgloin: Legolas, for the last time, there are no _flames. _

Pippin Genius Took: why don't you try some? It will help you relax.

**Saruman: ****my tower! My life's work! My army! I knew this was a bad deal.**

**Smeagol:**** Orcs don't taste very nice, do they, precious?**

Gollum: No, preciousss. They don't.

**Sam Gamgee: ****hey, anyone in the area want to drop in and give us some more water or lembas? only…. we're running a bit low here. **

Sam Gamgee: couldn't Mr Gandalf ask one of them eagles to drop us off something to eat?

Mister Frodo: No, Sam. They probably have some important things to see to. And they'd eat Smeagol by mistake.

Sam Gamgee: but the fate-of-the-whole-of-Middle-Earth thing, doesn't that mean anything?

Frodo: No, the eagles are strictly for deux-ex-machinas. And there's some mystical geographic/narrative boundary to all our facebook updates. For some strange reason, we can only access the facebooks of people we're with at the time. It creates comic and dramatic tension.

Sam Gamgee: sigh.

**Gollum:**** cute little hobbitses, fatty sharing his food with skinny! Not for long. Soon, we makes them hates one another.**

Sam Gamgee: Frodo, they're up to something!  
Mister Frodo: Oh Sam. You're so paranoid.

Sam Gamgee: I've only been paranoid since everyone started being out to get us.

Mister Frodo: cause and effect, Sam. Cause and effect.

**Pippin Genius Took:****ooh, shiny. **

Gandalf: give it here!

Pippin Genius Took: but but pretty shiny glowy round thing!

Awesome Merry: By the Valar, _Pippin's taken the ring!_

Aragorn!: okay, nobody… nobody panic… Someone, do something!

Gimli Sonofgloin: Not Pippin… he looked so innocent! Do you think he's murdered Frodo?

Gandalf: Pippin, kill Frodo? Ha! Maybe by accident.

Legolas Greenleaf:  Pippin killed Frodo by accident? I thought he was in Mordor!

Aragorn!:  Pippin's in Mordor? How did he get there? Did he use the ring?

Gimli Sonofgloin: Durin's beard, now Sauron will find him for sure.

Awesome Merry: we're doomed.

Gandalf: you see what I have to work with?

Awesome Merry: who are you talking to?

Gandalf: Myself. The most intelligent person around.

Legolas Greenleaf: You're talking to yourself on _Facebook_?

Aragorn!: really, Gandalf. That is kind of sad.


	12. Not Quite As Genius Anymore

**Mister Frodo****: must be the only person who's saving the world and still isn't getting any attention from girls.**

Sam Gamgee:come off it, Mr Frodo, what sort of girls would there be in Mordor? Besides, you have me.

Sam Gamgee:  *blushes*… I mean… you have me to… give you platonic foot rubs, cook for you, and help carry your pack… you know, platonic things

Mister Frodo: you don't need to help me with my pack, yours is bigger than mine. Remember how everyone used to comment on how big your pack was for only a Hobbit?

Sam Gamgee: …

Frodo Baggins: curses! Hey, does anyone know if you can delete comments?

**Pippin Genius Took:****just one quick look… **

**Pippin Genius Took: ****Wizards sleep with their eyes open,WTF.**

_**Gandalf **__**changed **__**Pippin Genius Took**__**'s name to **__**Pippin Foolofa Took.**_

__Pippin Foolofa Took: how did you do that?

_**Pippin Foolofa Took changed his name to Pippin Took**_

__Awesome Merry:  definitely more fitting, Pip.

**Awesome Merry ****is sad. **

Pippin Took: where am I going?

Gandalf: to Gondor!

Aragorn! did somebody say Gondor?

_Awesome Merry __gave __Pippin Took __the "Last of the Longbottom Leaf" using Superpoke._

**Sam Gamgee:**** hates heights, hates stairs, and hates high stairs. **

Gollum: and hatess being framed for sstealing nasssty lembas?

Sam Gamgee:  why, you-

**Mister Frodo:** **hey, who stole the lembas?**

Gollum: He did! Fat Hobbit eats lembas in secret! Doesn't even stop to count the calories!

_Sam Gamgee__ and __Mister Frodo__ are no longer friends. _

**Sam Gamgee: **** is very sad. "Don't you leave him," Gandalf said. Well, Gandalf, that would be a sight easier if not for Stinker there and his nasty little lies! **

_Sméagol__ sent __Sam Gamgee__ a "Smug Raspberry Noise" using Superpoke._

Sméagol: phbbrrrt!

Sam Gamgee:  how can you do that?? we're not even friends!

_**Aragorn! **__** created the event "Paths of the Dead!!"**_

_**Gimli**__** may be attending the Paths of the Dead**_

_**Galadriel**__** sent **__**Gandalf**__** an "I told you so" using DestinyPoke.**_

**Aragorn!****will take the Paths of the Dead! It is Destiny!**

Legolas: looks like there's some more of your Destiny! waiting for you outside.

_Halbarad, Elladan, Elrohir and Some Random Rangers are attending The Paths of the Dead_

**Aragorn!: ****ooh, Arwen sewed me a pretty present! She will make such a wonderful wife. **

Elrohir: you'd better check it carefully before you gloriously unfurl it… last time Arwen had to sew, the end product was pink, bloodstained, covered in buttons and toast crumbs, and said "a plague on sewing" in neat, ladylike embroidery.

Elladan:  and that was just a pocket hanky.


	13. Size matters selectively

Hello! I apologise for my lateness. Just started working full time. Thanks for the lovely reviews!

I'm afraid that I let Gimli and Legolas get a little carried away in this one. I think it's because they are bored, waiting for battle. They have short attention spans. You know how it is.

* * *

**Legolas Greenleaf****: GHOSTBUSTERS**

Gimli Sonofgloin: That's not funny.

Legolas Greenleaf: Wuss.

Aragorn!: come on Gimli, are you coming or not?

Legolas Greenleaf: Nah, I think he's too SCARED

Gimli Sonofgloin: Am not!

Legolas Greenleaf: Are so!

Gimli Sonofgloin: Excuse me, but this is a cave, and I am not the one who's scared of CAVES

Legolas Greenleaf: I'm not scared of caves! In Greenwood, we LIVE in caves.

Gimli Sonofgloin: but you're always insisting that they AREN'T caves in Mirkwood. Anything but caves. Airy cellars, you said. Although that's not where my father stayed...

Legolas Greenleaf: Don't call it Mirkwood! How would you like it if we called your stupid caves something insulting?

Aragorn!: Well 'Moria' does mean 'black pit' so I suppose...

Legolas Greenleaf: take my advice and don't get involved, Aragorn.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Yeah, skinny human, mind your own business.

Legolas Greenleaf: because it's none of your business that poor little Gimlikins is afraid of GHOSTS

Aragorn!: can we get on? There are ancient oaths to hold people to, ghosts to meet and greet? More important things, is what I'm hinting at.

Gimli Sonofgloin: did you just call me Gimlikins?

Legolas Greenleaf: Why do you ask, Gimlikins, can't you read?

Gimli Sonofgloin: I hope your tree-hugging relatives have all been eaten by spiders by the time you get back to _Mirkwood,_ Leggy.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Aragorn, he punched me! Aren't you going to tell him off?

Aragorn!: No, I don't think I will. You deserved that one.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Oh come on, I was joking about the spiders!

Legolas Greenleaf: you called me _Leggy._

Aragorn!: you called him Leggy.

Gimli Sonofgloin: well... I hate you both.

Legolas Greenleaf: not as much as I hate YOUR FACE

Aragorn!: Sweet Valar, you two are infuriating.

Gandalf: think of it as training in how to be diplomatic.

Aragorn!: Talking of which... don't kill him! We need him.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Why do we need him? Give me a reason.

Aragorn!: No, I'm not falling into this. I have learned by now never to get into any kind of argument, debate, discussion or dispute with either of you on your own, and certainly not the two of you together.

Gimli Sonofgloin: You're just jealous cos you've been dying to beat up Legolas for ages

Aragorn! That's not true! What I _said_ was that I wanted to knock both your heads together.

Legolas Greenleaf: That's not fair! He's got a helmet on!

Gimli Sonofgloin: Whereas you don't need a helmet, because you haven't got much brain to protect

Legolas Greenleaf: In that case, that helmet is totally wasted on you.

_Aragorn! wrote on Gandalf's wall. _ Gandalf, please. They will happily continue this all night. And I can't sleep, because I might need to separate them. Can't you do something?

 _Gandalf__ kicked __Gimli Sonofgloin__ and __Legolas Greenleaf__ off Facebook using INEXPLICABLE WIZARD POWERS_

_Aragorn!__ wrote on __Gandalf__'s wall: _Thank you, thank you. You are a miracle worker. I don't know what you did, but it's brilliant.

_Gandalf__ wrote on __Aragorn!'s __wall: _unfortunately, it's only temporary

_Gandalf __received an energy pack from __Radagast the Brown__ in MAFIA WARS_

_Éowyn __wrote on __Aragorn!__'s wall: _You're so wise and responsible. You make a great babysitter... maybe someday, you'll make a great father ;). I like a man who can look after the kids while I fight glorious battles. Are you free this evening?

_Aragorn! __wrote on __Éowyn's__ wall: _babysit? You insult my friends! They are warriors and- no, it's no good, I can't keep a straight face and write that. To be fair, they're usually fine, but Facebook does tend to bring out that side of people... err... I'm not free this evening, I'm kinda doing Destiny King Stuff, you know. And... errr... what does that arcane rune mean? the one like this ;). And did I mention I have a girlfriend? I have a girlfriend.

_Éowyn__changed her relationship status to "single"_

_Éowyn__ wrote on __Aragorn!__'s wall: _That's OK... it makes no difference to me whether or not you have a girlfriend! I wasn't flirting with you anyway! I was just asking because the Rohirrim are riding out tonight, and I'm going too.

_Aragorn!__ wrote on__ Éowyn's __wall:_ but you're a girl!

**Arwen****: is glad she has such a modern boyfriend with a strong sense of equality**

**Awesome Merry****: feels very alone.**

**Pippin Took****: has lots of questions...**

Gandalf: and don't I know it...

**Awesome Merry****: is now a knight of Rohan.**

**Gollum****: She will do it for us... yess preciouss... and we find It among the bonesses...**

**Mister Frodo:**** is beginning to miss Sam**

**Aragorn!:**** That's funny, I can hear the pattering of hundreds of little feet..**.

_Éowyn__ changed her name to Dernhelm_

_Dernhelm c__hanged her gender to MALE_

_Dernhelm__ is attending THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM_

**Awesome Merry:**** I am NOT too short!**

Awesome Merry: How come Frodo's not too short to carry the Ring, and yet suddenly, after all I've been through, I'm too short to ride a bloody horse?

_Awesome Merry__ and __Dernhelm __are now friends. _

_Awesome Merry__ is attending_ THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM

**Awesome Merry****: Awesome!**


	14. Return of the Friend Request now up!

Hi everyone,

I just realised that I'd continued right through into the Return of the King, so I've started a new story: The Return of the Friend Requests. Thank you all so much for the wonderful and overly generous feedback this story has received! Here's the start of the first chapter of the ROTFQ

__________________

**Elrond: ****is feeling both depressed and doom-laden. Time to spread it around!**

**Gimli Sonofgloin:**** does not like these ghosts**...

**Awesome Merry****: is off to war!**

**Aweosme Merry****: is off to war **_**all alone**_

**Awesome Merry:**** misses his friends :(**

**Arwen ****changed her name to Arwen Undomiel**

**Arwen Undomiel changed her name to Arwen Evenstar**

_**Arwen Evenstar**__ found a lost warg cub wandering around. Adopt the warg cub! Play Arda Farms today!_

**Pippin Took:** the pipweed Merry gave me has already run out! I've hardly had time to smoke! I suspect That Wizard have subtly meddled in my affairs

Pippin Took: LOL I spelt pipeweed _Pip_weed.

Awesome Merry: Oh no, Pip. I thought you'd grown out of that. Where?

Gandalf _wrote on __Pippin Took'__s wall:_ Now, Pippin... it may be better if you don't say anything at all when we visit him. Let me break the news..

_Pippin Took__ wrote on __Gandalf'__s wall_. Do you mean Denethor? What news? Oooh you mean about Boromir dying? I won't say anything. Not a word. And I'll remember this time. I promise!

_Denethor __commented on __Pippin Took's__ wall post_**: **Interesting. Very interesting.

**Pippin Took:** **oops**

_Pippin Took__ became the Steward of Gondor's I__mpertinent Hobbit and Singing Entertainment. _

**Faramir:** **crap, we lost Osgiliath.**

Faramir: Osgiliath? This never would have happened if Boromir was still alive! I wish you were dead instead blah blah blah. Blah favourite son blah... tidy your room, blah blah blah why haven't you got a girlfriend blah blah just not Manly enough blah Osgiliath blah blah try harder...

Denethor: What are you talking about this time, you useless failure and wizard's pupil?

Faramir: just getting in first, dad.

Denethor: I always knew you were crazy.

**Arwen Evenstar**: **Yay, Glee is on tonight! But got to finish this book first. My life is so **_**hectic.**_

**Aragorn!**: **Ghosts. Curse. Destiny. Oath. Armies of the Dead. I'm on it. **

Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf like this


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